Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
