So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I need to calm my uterus...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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