so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize