another moral hangover. fuck.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
