so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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