Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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