so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He passed out mid-signature
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
