Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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