Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
