I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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