Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
