if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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