i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The best revenge is premature balding
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
