Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
