Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
