Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
