You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
