i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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