so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
