Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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