My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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