i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
