matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
