You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
