You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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