It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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