guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
