Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
