I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
