I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
