In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize