I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
