I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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