your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
