Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
