doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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