theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
