Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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