the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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