Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
