I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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