A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I accidentally burped into my bong.
well you can't waste a boner
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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