So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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