just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
