the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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