I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize