life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
