I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
