i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize