is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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