john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
