I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
