i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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