My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
