Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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