I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
