Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
