Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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