She's JV to your varsity
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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