I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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