At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
