I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
