She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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