just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
