I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We got so high we made milksteak
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize