did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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